NADZ SAYS: EH! YOU MUST GIVE THE CREDIT OF THE PAST FEW BLOG ENTREES TO ME. tHANKS TO MY LAPPY ALSO!!! YES, AS YOU COULD TELL, hALIMAH AND I ARE OVER AT nADZ PLACE. MY PHONE IS BACK IN ACTION. BUT MY COM ISN’T. YAY?
When i look into your eyes, i caught a glimpse of heaven.
If curiosity kills a cat, how about an inquisitive being? I say, curiosity corrupts the mind, eventually spreading its vicious hold onto your body like a malignant tumour. Everything starts with curiosity, all this drama, it started with the want of first taste. Thanks to curiosity my life has no longer been the same. You’d walk in broad daylight and brave the world without noticing anything out of the ordinary. But people of my kind, we know, we are aware that every face spins a different tale. We know of the illicit business the likes of you are ignorant of. We know people like us exist exist. They exist.
She wakes up in the morning, put on her face, the one that’s going to get her through another day. It doesn’t really matter how she feels inside, cuz life is like a game sometimes. Her weathered hands would do the laundry as always. Her lined face never betraying the invisible facade she had long conjured. She has never allowed that emotional embankment to shatter. Until today. She would walk past these doors and still refuse to ignore those creatures living and breathing in these hallowed rooms. Her thoughts are always lingering around work and the bills. She has always led her life in denial of the fact that she has carried the burden of her husband and son. We know she isn’t a particularly pleasant woman. Enough is enough, and i have had enough. I’ve been invisible all this while and there has never been a reason to stay. I wish to break away and never come back. Nevertheless, this is home. And, she is mother.
I remember that look in your eyes
When i told you that this was goodbye
gentle and tender,
there’s nowhere else i’d rather be.
School is starting soon, i’m just going to hope that it will be a whirlwind of chaos, though it already is! to take my mind off matters. Now, home is only a place to stay and sleep. It no longer brings warmth and comfort. Even the simple pleasures of the internet and handphone has been robbed from me. The way she talks to me is like as if i’ve crawled all the way up from the rubbish chute into her baby’s cradle and killed him, replacing his place. It’s as if the only reason i am hanging around is because… i don’t know… moral obligations? Respext the fact that they are my parents, i guess. No, I shan’t bother you with family affairs in the hope that they themselves wouldn’t bother me.
Where’s the sense in that?
What the hell who cares.
You should know, my motto has always been "take your time to grow up". That was in sec1, now, the world is in a rush. There is just something in the past that brings me joy. Something in the songs that we used to listen to and the times we’ve spent together would put a smile on my face. That was 5 years ago. Would i laugh at myself again a couple of years down the road?!
Danial is long gone. He is but a lonesome voice in my head. This person who lives and breathes is Danny. Different and alluring. A much stronger and confident personality with a broader perspecctive. No, that chubby innocent boy has long gone. Now, i’m a tad bit wiser. People change with time, but somehow a part of me will always be the same. Something i can’t put a finger on. Something that reminds me of how Danial used to be. That something gives me the drive to keep on moving.
I’m trying to forget that i’m addicted to you.
Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the sea; they are in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this is divine glass they see face to face; and their converse is free as well as pure. This is the comfort friends, that though they are said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in best sense, ever present, because immortal.
William Penn, More fruits of solitude.
So you see, bestfriends needn’t pop into each other’s lives every so often to remain bestfriends; because we live in one another.
Reality slapped me in the face hard today. It was as if i was forced to swallow poison that made my gastric juice froth. My stomach acid gave me that hot, sinking sensation often associated with the mounting excitement and a sudden stop in the supply of adrenaline.
Damned fool. You must not wear your emotions as freely as the mask on your face.
"Can we stay this way for awhile?"
I hope so.
I feel like as if my pulmonary artery has been punctured. The empty cavity in my stomach has filled up with gastric juice. Somehow, I’ve forgotten to breathe. Could it be that my lungs just refuse to function. My body numbs and my face pales. Slowly my lips turn a ghostly shade of blue. Slowly, but surely i can feel the life in me extinguish. Goodnoght, and goodbye my friends.
Sometimes i do wonder, should i just die one day, would anyone cry over me? Would my bestfriends miss me and realise how deep our friendship is? Do you still think we can be bestfriends? Well, i miss you guys now. We barely meet up nowadays. This is not a "if you are not too long, i would wait here for you fo the rest of my life" moment. Well, till we meet again.
Why is it that every song that i choose to play today coincidentally has the words "better off alone anyway" WTF?!
One day, i’ll bring you on a walk around my neighbourhood. I’ll show you how beautiful it is to walk on a particular stretch of road. After the rain, the streetlights would illuminate the puddles. when the sun shines, you’d notice those silhoutte casted by the trees. It is a magnificent view. We’ll look out of my window to enjoy that ever so glorious sunset. We’ll think of all the others who’d envy us. I’ll bring you on a walk along the railwaytracks in the brimming moonlight. We’ll hold hands and listen to the crickets with only our shadows to guide us on. Surreal. You might not realise the beauty in these simple gifts.
Maybe, just maybe, you, like me, have not not been looking in the right places.
Hunnehhhhh loookkkkkk… i can’t access internet at home and my phone’s dead. So basically, there’s no way i can contact you. I’m not going on a strike against all my friends!!! D.U.H So be nice and call me or drop me texts if you want me to call you. And Singaporeans, please pick up the phone even if its a private number cuz it’s probably just me and not Ah Long or the police. I don’t think its Mat Selamat too.
"Isn’t this the best part of breaking up, finally found someone you can’t get enough of. Someone who wants to be with you too."
I hope so.
Its comical actually when i think of how much i’ve observed you; thinking i’ve already memorised and captured an image of you in my mind . I finally had a chance to have a good look at you. Not mere glances when i think you’re not looking at me, and not glances when you think i’m not looking at you. I had an entire minute to myself. In that minute, i’ve realised that your eyes aren’t exactly jet black. They’re a dark shade of chocolate around the iris. Barely obvious, i could have missed it. Irregardless of this fact, your eyes still have that brilliant twinkle when the light hits them. That mysterious twinkle that has drawn my attention.
Words can’t describe how i feel whenev you’re around. There is never a dull moment; i don’t feel tired or irritated. It’s pure bliss. I can’t get enough of you, everything about you. You are thickening the air around me, slowly asphyxiating me; just like in that song.
I think, i think i’m falling in love.
First of all, I’ve just realised that I barely know a handful of friends who are going to NP. Most of my friends are in SP, as in those I’m closer to. I’m starting to wonder if I will have a total Cady Heron moment.
"The first day of school was a blur; a stressful, surreal blur. I have never lived in a world where adults didn’t trust me. I got into trouble for the most random things…"
But of course, my parents didn’t just decide to emigrate from Africa:)
AND HALIMAH IS ALSO ACCEPTED IN NP! YAY US!
I feel as if my pulmonary artery has been punctured. The empty cavity in my stomach fills up with gastric juice; slowly digesting my insides. Somehow, I’ve forgotten to breathe or could it be that my lungs just refuse to function. My heart palpitates a monotonous tune. My body turns numb and my face pales. With every passing moment, my lips turn a ghostly shade of blue until finally my skin tears apart without any effort; like paper. Slowly, but surely the life within me collapsed. Goodnight, and goodbye my friends.
Sometimes i do wonder, should i just drop dead one day, would anyone cry over me? or would i just be another has been? Would my bestfriends miss me and realise how deep our friendship is? Or would all our memories just whither and die? Well, i miss you guys now. We barely meet up as a whole clique anymore. And i think i gave up trying. Its preposterous when you think that Singapore is just a tiny red dot on the map and at the rate we’re meeting up, you’d think the whole lot of us were scattered in the Soviet Union. I am so not feeling "if you are not too long, i would wait here for you for the rest of my life." Well, till we meet again.
Why is it that every single song that I choose to play today all coincidentally has the phrase "better off alone anyway." WTF?!
One day, I’ll bring you on a walk, around my neighbourhood. I’ll show you how beautiful it is to walk on a particular stretch of road. After the rain, the street lights would illuminate the puddles. When the sun shines, you’d notice the soft silhouette of the trees. It’s a magnificent view altogether. We’ll look out of my window to enjoy that ever-glorious sunset. We’ll think of all the other who’d envy us. I’ll bring you on a walk on the railway tracks in the brimming moonlight to gaze at stars. We’ll hold hands and listen to the crickets with only our shadows to guide us on. Surreal. You might not see the beauty in these simple gifts, but it is every moment that we share together that matters. Maybe, just maybe, you, like me, have not been looking in the right places.
I GOT INTO NGEE ANN POLY, MASS COMMUNICATION. SO BASICALLY, I’M ACCEPTED IN BOTH SP AND NP! BUT I’M GOING TO NP, DREAM COME TRUE?!
Rasa cinta hanya terbiak dihati. Kata-kata ayu hanya ditiup angin, ngak pernah dilafaz. Mengapa kami enggan mengerti perasaan yang sudah tentu ada? Mengapa harus kami saling jeling-menjeling tetapi satu perkataan cinta tidak pernah terungkap? Katakanlah, kau cinta padaku.
Since i’m in the mood, let me attempt to write a short story. Don’t get your hopes up, cuz my story could just finish as abruptly as it started. Lets call it, A Typical Love Story.
"Maybe i’ve been here before. I know this room, i’ve walked this floor. I used to live alone before i knew you. I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march. It’s a cold and broken hallelujah."
Perhaps that is true Jacobs thought, but he’ll never understand love. Simply because he’s never fallen in love. How could someone preach so much about love and yet never knowing how it feels like to be in love?
He gazed out of the window, wearing only shorts, he was greeted by the night wind. He looked up to the heavens for solitude, but even the night sky which usually brings him comfort seemed dead. The stars normally ablazed with passion, seemed oddly cold. It was as if they were lost in the universe.
"What are you staring at?"
That voice, that deep sultry voice. Lord, what insane thoughts have you planted in my head. What promises have you made with the devil that I have to pay the price for. NO, this is sexual insanity.
Before Jacobs could turn around, he felt the contact of skin-on-skin. Burly, muscular arms were wrapped around him. They were so close Jacobs could feel the warmth of Jeremaia’s body next to his, he could not help but feel the chiseled body that laid against his. Slowly, he felt a Jeremaia’s face against his cheeks. Could this intimate moment be love? Is this how it feels to be in love? Is love just an adrenaline rush?
It was a moment suspended in confusion.
The two bodies found themselves lying next to each other on the bed; unclothed. They were sweating, it wasn’t completely awkward to make love to someone whom you don’t have the slightest feelings for. The two were tangled in their love nest, holding each other close.
Jeremaia looked into his partner’s eyes. He brought his lips closer to Jacobs ear and whispered, "what were you gazing at just now?"
Jacobs hesitated, instead the words that found their way out of his throat were " why do you care?"
"Because, i think i’m falling in love."
That reply hit Jacobs, it hitted him hard.
"Why do you love me, even when you know that i have never loved you?"
"I thought if i gave you time, and if you are not too long, i would wait here for you all my life. Now, tell me, what were you looking at just now?"
"A life, never to call my own."
NOW! look how selfish i am. I’m here talking about feelings and emotions. When there are those in the world who are too hungry to even think. There are those who are fighting for the lives of their families and i am here, writing. I watched National Geographic with Muffin. He’s my ginger persian with a smashed face. He’s starting to get cuddly. He has really thick fur and its a cold night; oh that warm and fuzzy feeling. So it was about some Taliban shit. What really caught my attention was the filmtography. Brilliant colours and images. Dad said if i were stuck here i would be saying " wtf am i doing here?!" and i told him, that’s the thing, i won’t. But if i were ever to be sent to Afganistan on some god-forsaken trip, i’d love to have an SLR with me. AND food, cuz this guy was complaining that he had to slaughter his hen. I don’t think i’d have to bother about shampoo and wax or hairspray.
When the sun rises again, i will be there with you my friend. I will be there. I wish you would miss me, the way that i miss you. Bestfriends day out soon.
