DISENCHANTED

Do you remember me, I’m just a shadow now. What would I give, to feel the sunlight on my face. What would I give, to be lost in your embrace.

-Delerium, Fallen.

I’m not the biggest gaming fan, but really, Final Fantasy is the best game I’ve played. It just brings back so much memories. I think of Audric and Miao De. They’re really childhood friends, we shared so much in common and now, we’ve become immensely different. Honestly, I can’t really remember how they look like. It really is sad, when you think of all those adventures we used to have, those video gaming sessions and you-name-it card games. I’ve never told anyone, but that is why I hate video games. I hate how they would bring back almost lost memories. We met, we laughed, we held on tight, and then we said goodbye. I wished they’d know how I feel, but it’s been so long, I wonder if they think of me just like how they’d flit into my mind at the most random times. That’s the beauty of friendship i guess, you never lose it’s fragments no matter how blemished they’ve been. 

I won’t make the same mistakes this time. I swear. I’ve forged an awesome friendship with the most unlikely people; if you’ve told me 5 years ago that we would become bestfriends, I would have just freaked out and die. I miss you guys. I really do. I feel that a part of me is lost and troubled. You are a part of me. And I, you. We knew this would one day happen, we knew we would have to board and leave our trains one day. But, I wouldn’t have expected it to be so soon. We said we would be friends forever, we were young and didn’t really understand those words. We’ve always reminisced the bittersweet moments. I can’t wait to see you guys again. I want to remember your faces, so 30 years down the road I would say ‘HI’ if we bumped in Orchard. D’you think that one day, we will decide to bring our children/wives/husbands to cluny park to have a picnic and just so happens all 6 of us happen to be there at the same time. How blissful would that be.

New friends aren’t the same, they never are. They’ll never be replacements. I’m cool with them, but there’s something that just doesn’t seem like you guys. I don’t feel as comfortable as compared to when I’m with you guys. We’re still in the getting-to-know-each-other process. I miss you guys. But we’re always saying, never saying things that matter. No, it’s just that we never say them aloud. We’ve become, what we never wanted to be.

Bunny is cute, and I think I have the freaking mentality of a 5 year old.

Pan said " they don’t deserve you, because they cheated on you."

But i was so in love. No, don’t get me wrong, I’m over that. It’s just that I’ve so many people telling me that I deserve better people and that I deserve to be in happier relationships. I don’t really know, if I would ever meet a partner who would think; there he is, there’s no one else i want, but him. Here we are again, circles never end. How do I find the perfect fit?

This post is dedicated to: Labin, Eriana, Nadzirah, Nadia, Jumalea, Halimah, Alan, Karol, Audric, Miao De, Pan…and bunny.

this is how I’m feeling right now;

I feel so untouched, I want you so much, and i just can’t forget you.
Going crazy from the moment I met you.
yes, horny and sexually-deprived.

Due to the lack of interest, tomorrow is cancelled. Let the clocks be reset, and the pendulum’s held.

But it’s so tiring, to feel the pain to know that it’s impossible to love, again. Oh my god I’m a saviour against what the freaks call love. Close my eyes and I count to 10, cuz I never really found a heart to settle in.
-caracal, cheers to love.

So here and back again, nothing turns out like how i would have expected it to. Then again, we all know the beauty of the things that doesn’t go exactly according to plan. Wish it doesn’t come with the heartache. As impossible as it sounds, looks are secondary. What matters is the heart. Say it with me, SU EL CORAZON QUE EST IMPORTANTE. Yes, once again my heart managed to find it’s dead end. The impossible void, that hollow and caved space that simply exists.

Always talking, never saying the things that matter.

Thats how it’s always is, right? somehow people always manage to ask me the right questions that make my heart skip like…erm… 10 beats. But, they’re never from the people i want to be the ones who ask them. Am I making sense? god…

I hate this question: Danny, are you attached?
My reply: NO.
I hate this question too: Why not?

somebody tell me how i should go about this question please?! because, it’s so tiring to feel the pain. But me, being a walking contradiction, can’t help falling in love, with all the wrong people.

Do you have a first aid kit ready? Thought i’d let you know that my heart is damaged. So what are you going to do about it?

I’ve always wondered why I would fall in love with someone but not do anything about it. Then when the person finally chooses to walk away, i regret. I guess I’ve always been scared; of what? I don’t really know. Of all the emotional baggages a relationship would bring, i guess. Of ruining a friendship that has been getting on just fine. Of being rejected or cheated on. I’ll try to keep on telling myself that a couple of sour relationships won’t mean every single one would be sour. I’ll try. I’ll try. I’ll try not to give my heart away too readily.

I’m just wondering, would you ever be able to get used to sleeping without someone by your side to cuddle or to snug with. I’ve not gotten used to it, that’s why i can’t really sleep. I know it’s been a long while, but it’s times like this when I just need companion in bed. To SLEEP! that’s all.

I can’t forget, the day I met you.

I was hypnotized.

I couldn’t stop, smiling to myself.

I am in love with you.

My insomniac’s back. I. Hate. It. Woke up at 1am just now to find myself starving. So me being me, toasted bread with cheese and yumyum. I worked out like shit just to tire myself. GYEAH i know, and I’m still fat. I realized that I can’t sleep whenever there’s so much on my mind. Like after every horrible break-ups. Before every single exam and first-days of schools. And like now, when my thoughts are lingering over,erm…a couple of people. Yes, I know I’m one confused bitch. Can a heart ever settle down, if its always searching for a home?

Ok, I know my previous post was such a betch. Turns out, everyone’s fine. Really. School is school. Average looking boy trying to save money up for his grand wedding. HAHAH! You know the impossibility of me ever saving up… OH! I don’t think I’m even going to get married, maybe like when I’m OLD-er. WHAHAHA!

I think I’ve got to stop thinking that Ngee Ann’s full of hot people and that I am fat and ugly. It’s getting to me. It’s driving me and possibly everyone around me NUTS. Well, that’s a little hard, I know.

OH BTW! FUCK YOU JAY! thanks for dropping me after you’ve screwed up my hair. YOU BITCH!

I miss : LABIN AND ERIANA. Everyone else seems to be busy with their lives anyway. *Looks at Halimah*, *stares at unreplied messages*, gyeah whatever. Of course I miss everyone, ALAN AND KAROL! Class and school just isn’t the same as before.

Love hurts, but sometimes it’s a good hurt. No, it doesn’t hurt; it just kills the millions of brain cells that’s already decaying anyway. I think I am burning up for you; some supernatural chemistry.

Saying goodbye to Raoul Rc wasn’t the easiest thing to do, it wasn’t the hardest thing too though. It has been bittersweet. I would personally like to thank Jennifer, Siti, Ryn, Pat, Jeremy, Pravin, Farhan and Idarh. Thanks for being so accommodating. It’s been an AWESOME experience man! hope you guys like the card.

SO HELLO NGEE ANN!!! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL WAS INDEED A STRESSFUL SURREAL BLUR BAYYYYYYBEHHHHH!!!!

It’s kinda hard to concentrate when you’re around BEAUTIFUL people. No, I’m not saying that everyone’s simply GORGEOUS, but the cute ones are really cute!!! I’ve fallen in love already. Gyeah, and thats a shocker?! FUCK! There’s the weirdos of course, like they talk about games 24/7. GAWDDDDDD!!!! Not everyone in mass comm’s really cool and everything. I find it difficult to react when people compliment my looks. It’s really flattering, but when you’re around all these HOT people, you go like: erm…..thanks?! but I think he’s hotter, eyy, no, him, eh no… Class has been fine. It’s really hard to concentrate when the LT is full of HOTTTTT PEOPLEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
I OFFICIALLY FEEL FAT AND UGLY OK!

so i’m going off for class soon. Like now, I’m going for bubble tea break at the LIBRARY!

Ok, so maybe i’ve been away for awhile. But i can tell you one thing Macbook sucks. I mean, how can you expect a bhimboww like me to work a Macbook; aka, the most complicated device in modern history! I’m so very excited about school. I met this girl the other day. I forgot her name, not my fault, i suck at names. She seems nice enough. I’ve been over Nadz place a couple of times, in the dead of the dead of the night to use her internet connection. THANKS UH MEMBER!!!

I wouldn’t say that life’s a betch, but it certainly hasn’t been paradise either.

AND TO JUMALEA: IDIOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’d love to post up new photos, but as usual, i’ve got no idea how to resize a photo using my macbook. God bless me. Since we’re on the topic of god, I’d urge everyone to read ‘Benazir Bhutto: Daughter of the East’ She is an inspiring woman and her recounts are intriguing. She is my idol when it comes to oraticular prowess. A good speaker is able to invoke emotions to sway the crowd.

my last day in RAOUL is on the 9th of April.