DISENCHANTED

You’re on my heart just like a tattoo.

First of all, to my all time Bitchmate. CHEER UP! The ___ who makes you cry/ emow aren’t worth your tears. Those who do don’t make you cry. Yes, a quote from your favourite label! I guess I kinda know how you feel. After all those times we’ve stayed up late to talk about these stuff, I’m bound to know how you might be feeling. The only advise I can give for now will be to take a deep breath, and push all the thoughts related to the number 7, aside. I know you’ll feel better soon enough. You take care.

Today during socpsych, Wing and I had the time of our lives. Topic of discussion: Homosexuality/ Bisexuality.

My attitude: I feel that it’s about feelings and emotions. Love is never wrong, and we have to accept and respect that Homo/Bisexuality exists.

Response from a classmate: Just because it exists, doesn’t make it right.

He was sitting behind me. I COULD HAVE SLAPPED HIM I TELL YOU! he was like, “oh, it’s just the way that I was brought up”. FUCK. You’re lucky it’s me, imagine how another person would take it.

I wrote as a response for another classmate’s statement that she doesn’t like Bi. They can make a relationship confusing. “Imagine if you were in their shoes. You’re confused about who you are or who you choose to love time and again, but you just can’t help feeling this way. How would you feel?”

Germaine said something that reminds me of what Julie said once.
“You know, your life gets more fun then…”

I don’t really know how I feel right this moment. I want my Bestfriend, BFFs and Bitchmates around me again. I want to cry on a shoulder i know won’t let me down. I remember writing something that goes like “Friendship should be beyond sexual orientation”. Thank you, I feel blessed that I’ve very understanding friends. I love you.

I want to quote something from Wing, it freaks me out when people like Wing and Alan CHOOCHOO starts to make sense.

“And in times when I lose faith in humanity
Its you guys that kept me holding on
Kept me holding on to faith
& friendship”

Come as you are. Take your time, hurry up.

If i told you that this love song was meant just for you, would you believe me? It may not sound as beautiful or well-composed as other love songs. You may not know that love songs cannot be written, if we are not in love. But for you sweetheart, it all came out easily.

You may have heard thousands of love ballads. Some may touch your hearts, but they mean nothing more. But you’ll know when you listen to this song, that it was meant just for you. You would know what i meant by heart, and we’ll be there for each other.

Let the song play while we’re walking together on that path. All I hear is just the voice of you and me. We’ll be together for so long. As mentioned in the poetry, where there is love, there is hope. Your love has lightened up my heart. You are my destiny.

Love holds many truths to look for. I have wasted my lifetime searching for them. But not so long ago, when i realized, I got close to you. If my life is the rhythm, you’re the beautiful lyrics which has touched my heart.

I can’t be together with you as your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.

I think everyone should watch The Love of Siam.

I’ve got a pocket, a pocketful of sunshine.I got a love, and I know that it’s all mine. Do what you want but you’re never gonna break me. Sticks and stones are never going to shake me.

Take me away, a secret place. A sweet escape, take me away. Take me away, to better days. Take me away, a hiding place.

There’s a place that I go, that nobody knows. Where the rivers flow and I call it home. And there’s no more lies in the darkness, only light. And nobody cries, there’s only butterflies.

The sun is on my side, and takes me for a ride. I smile up to the sun, and I know I’ll be alright.

Natasha Bedingfield, a pocketful of sunshine.

I wish, I hope. Hang on Danny.

Going out to all those who are out of love.

"This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending. This is the way that we love, like it’s forever. And live the rest of our lives, but not together."

Happy Ending, Mika

I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH CUTE PEOPLE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME WHEN I TELL THEM THAT THEY’RE CUTE. OR PEOPLE WHO JUST DON’T AGREE THAT THEY ARE GOOD-LOOKING, WHEN THEY ARE.

SHUT UP, I KNOW BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER, BUT WHATEVER.

Ok, the reason for this confession is because I feel ugly whenever I hear a cute person say that he/she is not cute. I also can’t stand people who self-proclaim. Jokingly, like how i do occasionally, is fine. But there’s a fine like between that and MR/MS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. Ok, I’m done.

Oh, anyways, we all know that I have very weird taste. So, please understand that if I say a person is ugly, it just means the he/she is not my type. Understooded. And I also don’t think that it is wrong to compliment a person’s look. It’s up to that person how he/she wants to take that comment (the best way with me being a simple "thank you")

I don’t feel superficial at all, so don’t judge. But we know you will.

This is going to be another emotionally BFF saturated blog post. You have been warned.

After a full month, the clique finally found time to meet up for a short while.We spent the whole time together just talking. We didn’t need any other forms of entertainment, we just needed time. Time to catch up with each other. I felt that since we’re best friends, I might as well come clean. I decided to share my deepest, darkest secrets. It wouldn’t be fair if everyone else knew the truth, except my BFFs. I’ve been holding back because i thought they might turn their backs on me. I took a chance. I’m glad we had dispensed with the drama.

I would like to apologize to Nadia and Halimah if I have said anything that would have hurt your feelings. It’s just that I can’t stand it when others play with the feelings of people I love. I might have come down a little too hard. I’m sorry.

You know, I wanted something extraordinary to happen whilst we were all in a state of drunken stupor. I think it did. While we were intoxicated, reality played its’ trick on our addled brains. Je suis desole, but you know, I’m not desole at all.

Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right things are the same.

I feel that I’ve gotten a load off my chest. Until mum and dad decided to drag me into the depths of despair. Always lingering on the same topic. It’s driving me nuts. I wish we could create an alternative universe to hide away from the cruel and brutal truth. Just for a while, a moment or two.

We’ve got a million questions, all about our lives. I wish you were here with me, tonight. I remember the times we’ve spent together, they were not enough. We always felt that we were dreaming, except we always woke up.

Tonight I’m falling, and I can’t get up. I need your loving hands to pick me up.

Paper may brown and crumple

but the words on them retain their meaning.

Their edges might fold and tear

but their content everlasting.

Thank you for reminding me the person that I used to be,

I will improve myself

and stay true to who I am.

Thank you, for reminding me that I am human.

I’ve never realised how much I’ve encouraged and cheered you up.

I’ve never known that I hold a special light in your eyes.

Thank you. I’ve finally found your letters. Thank you.

I’ve pasted them up, to remind me if ever there comes a time I feel lonely,

I have friends.

PS, Thanks Nizza, for that email.

I wish, there was an easier way to say "I love you".

To Vincey, what can I say, I’ve regarded you as a brother *BROTHERRHOOOOOD*. I’d love to see you and her together again. But if it’s not meant to be, then it isn’t. It’s been an amazing 3 years? i guess. If it makes you happy, then we’d all be happy. For each other. I might just attend the most peculiar wedding in my lifetime. HEEHEE!

There’s no point lamenting over someone who can’t even see how hard you’re trying. *Looks at Alan, and feels more courageous*. No love lost, baby. Everyday is a brand new day and each step we take, is at least another step. Closer or further from love, doesn’t matter. There’s always beauty in the darkside.

So MEESTER WHATEVER FUCK FOR, GOODBYE!

I’m sick of being constantly judged. But it’s something that is as natural as breathing. And judging is also as inevitable as shopping to me.

You’re the biggest mistake that I have ever made.
And I miss you.

I went to a Malay wedding; those typical tentage erected under the block. My father’s, eldest brother’s, youngest daughter got married. That’s not the interesting bit. Well, I was introduced to a room full of old, dying people draped in colourful, sparkling rags. My bitch of an aunt finally like erm… excepted me into her side of the family, I guess. There she was raving about my O’s results and how I’m doing Mass comm now. Hypocrite. I know she hates my guts. Well, all’s fair then!No, the fact that everyone there was a typical, hypocritical, over-ethical, hierachy obsessed, money-minded Malay family isn’t at all on the top of my list.

I realized that these ragged, wrinkled faces tell different stories. I can’t remember any of those whom i was introduced to, but I’ve noticed that despite those obviously pretentious smiles and well-prepared, instantaneous compliments ready to fire the moment you hit the buzzer, their eyes, each and everyone spin a different story.

There was this lady, she broke down half way into the reception. Tears plummeted her cheeks like there’s no tomorrow, her eye bags bulged 5 seconds after a few tears. Fine, I might’ve just exaggerated too much. But you get the point. I found out her husband died 7 months before. And there she was, sitting at another’s wedding. She was always smiley and I had no clue that she had lost her husband. I can’t imagine how I would feel if i were in her shoes.

If there’s no greater feeling than to be love and be loved in return, then why does it always hurt? The whole theory itself is sadistic isn’t it!

Hope mum was happy with the celebration. Sneak peek, I sabo-ed her into wearing some fancy ching-a-ling dressy top, Chanel handbag, lousy but authentic croc’s (not those hideous ones, the ugly ones) but…. we ate at Newton! WHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! everyone was staring at some tai-tai carrying a bouquet of roses. It was funny I tell you! Then my turn to treat us to desert at NYDC. MY GOODNESS! My sister and I were under-dressed.

I like these roses, they’re very deep blood red. Almost crimson.