DISENCHANTED

You left me cold and defeated.

When I began to pick myself up, i remained scared by memories of us

Now, when I am almost whole again, I begin to disintegrate once more

Because I keep on falling, in and out, of amourous thoughts

I wish, I wish, someone would lie here in my arms

I might just fall for you

But I’ve already a someone in mind.

I wish, I wish, we would get drunk on love potions

In the heat of the moment we know we would do something extraodinary

A special something we’d later regret

Then looking back, realize that

We might have just fallen for each other

and that is why reality is always a slap in the face.

but if you’re lucky, it might just turn out to be better than you expected

If life had a flaw, it would be time.

If life had a flaw, it would be wasting time on you.

Gyeahh, it’s a bestfriend thing. Labin just can’t stop making me think everytime we meet up. School’s been alright. Cool people, ok, not really. But whatever, don’t go changing to impress others. DUH! Cuz that’ll be a huge bunch to impress.

The FRESH party was shit. Loved Caracal. Music was crap. The chat was great.

Listen to the song i hunted down i tell you!!! It’s on my profile. DUH! It’s called Baby, you amaze me by select play. Loves it.

Tell me that I shouldn’t fall for you.

Tell me that this happened way too soon.

Oh my god, I’ve fallen for you.

Hey there, hows the outside air feeling like? I’m still trapped inside, halls and doors. I wanna go outside, I wanna feel the sun’s bright light. Hey there Ms/Mr Sunshine can you help me? come into my house and light me up. I’m bored why can’t my music cheer me up today? the door’s locked, and I am gonna die. Please hep me, I can’t stand it here. My door’s locked, and I’m already dead.
Postbox, Ms Sunshine.

Sometimes I feel that my sunshine is somewhere out there. Now, I never want to look for that sunshine. I know it’ll leave me cold and clammy. I’ll take this slow, this new found exhilaration is asphyxiating. These thoughts often leave me exhausted and breathless. Don’t ask me what is wrong with me, I don’t even know now.

I need to be around my friends now. 14th June is a long way to go. OH ALAN!I saw your erm…eye candy just now. Well, Alan’s the only one I really talk to about stuff anyway.

I know what Julie would tell me if she were here now. “You’re just a confused horny bitch boy.”

No, I’m not dumb, I know I’m only 16 going on 17 and there’s going to be more to life than there already is. It’s just how I feel now okehhh?!

I’m just a kid, and life is a nightmare.

This is going to be an emotionally saturated blog post. So stay away if you’re not interested in "I’m so emowww it hurts".

"Bitch, what is your greatest regret in life?"

Eating too much when I was a kid. Yeapp, I was a darn FAT fatty bombom. Well, you could guess, no girl ever wanted to go out with me. Every single girl I’ve confessed to, ended up screaming "don’t ever talk to me again, I hate you!" I was thirteen.

And yes, you may not believe this but my parents never allowed me to be in a relationship. Never. It has always been; don’t have a girl friend, study hard and get a good job. When you can support us, then you can have a girlfriend. She must marry the family. OR. If you have a girlfriend, you won’t think about mum and dad. so you can see the outline of my Indonesian sinetron(drama).

So naturally, I’ve never dated a girl until last year. Well, nothing fantastic. But you could guess which path it led me down. I chose without myself knowing, a path I would find myself hating. A path strewn with hurt everytime i took a step closer to love. A path I can’t turn my back on, a path as inevitable as breathing to me.

You’ve got no idea. They don’t know, they can’t feel. You don’t know how it feels to be in love and feel so loved one moment and cheated on the next. You don’t know how it feels to have your life robbed from you. You’ve never felt so rejected, so many times you feel so pathetic it turns into a phobia. You’ve never felt how difficult it is for me to tell someone how i feel about them because I’m afraid of their reaction. You have never felt how it is like to be me.

You’re lucky.

"You’re asking me about love? are you insane? I’ve never been in a relationship, it’s all sex for me".

Predictably, my bestfriend failed me.

So, I’m torn into two. He loves me, he loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not. I’ve had a crush on her 2 years ago. Now, when I finally have a chance, I’m scared. I’m scared I will lose a friendship that has been getting on so well. I’m afraid she’ll never talk to me ever again, if things don’t work out. I don’t know. I don’t know, what I don’t know. But, I understand, I’ve never been promised a rose garden, along with the sunshine.

I hate homophobes. Whats so wrong about being gay?  would you hate your sister because she told you she’s lesbian? would you hate your bestfriend because he told you he’s gay? would you leave your husband knowing he used to kiss guys?

I love my sister. Julie is the best damn thing that has ever happened to my life. There’s so much to say, I don’t really know where to begin.

"You are the angel’s halo, and I, the devil’s left horn."

Well, not anymore.

Love, is like oxygen. All you ever need is love. There is no bigger joy than to love, and be loved, in return.

Faezah sends sweet messages every other week.

"I’ve never really searched, but i’ve found you. I’ve never asked, but I have you. I’ve never wished, but it came through. I thank god for leading me to you".

"When you truly care for someone, you don’t look for their faults, you don’t look for answers, you don’t look for mistakes. Instead, you fight mistakes, you learn to accept the faults and overlook the excuses. Never abandon your loved ones, you’ll never find one who can replace them. Friendship is like wine, it tastes better as it grows older".

" Grass is shining with morning dew, making the day so fresh and new. Hope laughter and joy comes your way".

"Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to something else, it will come and sit gently on your shoulders. I’m just a normal butterfly in your life, but i hope i don’t come and go like others. May this friendhip we’ve built last til, i tak tau bile".

Don’t let words bring you down ok girl.

Well Mr Irsyaduddin, for someone who hates being judged, you sure do judge alot. Why do you always think that people are arrogant before you even get to know them. DUH, they obviously would behave arrogantly to you because you have a I-so-bloody-want-to-give-him-a-tight-slap face. Ok, so maybe i don’t have the friendliest face on Earth. But I’m quite OK. So, I’m going to be friendly to everyone from now on and I’ll decide whether I like them or not after 1 minute:) ok, 30 seconds. WHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA…..its a JOKE! GETTIT!

ALAN CHOO WEI LOONG had the most bestest pre-birthday celebration evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

How not to when he was being served by that hottie we shan’t name, who was obviously flirting with him, and I must admit i was a teeny weeny lil bit jealous. Nevermind, I shall drop by that place more often…ALONEEEE!!!

PS, hope things work out Pan. *smiles widely to self and then slapped in the face by Alan*

PS, Alan and I are BEE EFF EFFs. I will kill whoever thinks that we are attached, because we are NOT! FUCK YOU!!!! Did you know how many HOTHOTHOT people we saw today…what if my reputation goes down the drain?! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!