DISENCHANTED

Dearest Airpork,

We gave us a shot twice before.
Nothing we do would make a difference.
Nothing.
Nothing would change the fact that we’ve tried.
Nothing would change the fact that you’ve been unfaithful.
Nothing would change the lies you’ve spun.
Nothing would change my love for you.
Nothing would change how much I’ve loved.
Nothing would change history.
Nothing would change my heart.
Nothing.
I’d bury the hatchet.
But I couldn’t conceal these scars.
My scars.

PS, I’m happy. Just thought you should know.

Gyeah, just when I thought we’d all (especially Julie) gotten over the Miley Cyrus craze…

The 7 things I hate about you
You’re vain your games you’re insecure
You love me you like her
You made me laugh you made me cry
I don’t know which side to buy
Your friends there jerks when you act like them
Just know it hurts
I want to be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair your eyes your old levi’s
When we kiss I’m hypnotized
You make me laugh you make me cry
But I guess that’s both I’ll have to buy
Your hands in mine when we’re intertwined
Everythings alright I want to be with the one I know

ZOMG. Sorry, but I don’t think she wrote these lyrics! HAHAHA, hey, she is blonde!

In a year from now,
maybe there’ll be things we wish we never said.

In a year from now,
maybe we’ll see each other.
Standing on the same street corner,
no regrets.

S Club.

It’s been almost a year. I’m happy. It can’t be called true love now can it? since it was only me, who loved.

Whatever. Don’t waste your breath on suicide, or love, or karma. I know you. You’re pathetic. Get right back up on your feet MR R.A. Don’t fucken beg for self-pity. You knew what kind of shit you were getting yourself into. My point is, you can just sit around and expect to feel better, or expect a miraculously concocted fairy tale. Get a move on, now! I can’t believe I loved and let myself be loved by some pathetic shitass like you. That’s just it, you’re not the same person i remembered.

Whatever. I’m sure there’ll be that one person who would extend a hand, when he sees me groping in the dark.

PS, pun totally intended.

I gave you all you desired, all that you needed.
Boy, I provided. I let you into my head, into my bed.
And that’s a privilege.
I had your back at the answers, you took the dollars, I took the chances
Defended, battled and fought
Cuz I thought you really loved me
I don’t know where to start or where to stop
No, but I know I am done. I’ve had enough

So fall out of my hands, out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You’ll be sorry that I’m not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me,
I’ll be on the top just watching you fall

You said that you were the strong one
I was the girl, and I was the young one
I kept your feet on the ground
My head in the rounds I had you
You told me you were so grateful
I was with you, and I was so faithful
Stood by in all that you said
And all that you did
I loved you
I don’t know how to act or what to say
But I know I am good, I’ll be okay

I’ll be on the top just watching you fall.

Well yes, FALL! by Ina. Exactly how I’m feeling. In numerous contexts please.

ok, can i have a Mac Disappointment student’s meal, upsize. Having here, with a heavy heart. Change the drinks to hot tears. No happiness, just pure misery. Oh, I WANT my 7 table spoons of sugar!!!

My mum said “It’s true you know, if you love someone, you’d be happy for that person even though you’re not together. It doesn’t matter if you can’t share their happiness, you’d still be happy”. It’s true i guess. I am happy for you. I am happy as long as you’re happy. I’ve no hopes for us, none at all, but I’m happy because for what its worth, we were worth it.

ok….

now….

moving on…………..

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry but… you’re not my obsessive compulsive disorder anymore.

I prefer it this way. No photos of me. Nothing. Not a single trace that I exist. Not constantly being on the chopping board. Can’t help being talked about though. But generally, normal. Can’t helped being stared at. But otherwise, normal. Do you get my point? all I want are simple gifts.

Its a Sunday. I spent time with mum and dad. It’s a great feeling if you think about how much time i’ve spent with them, and how much time they have left. We went to a ‘high’ class Malay wedding. Hey, the couple drove off in a LIMO! I swear, I’ve the most comical parents! I’ve always wondered how people get to know new people during these weddings… you know what I mean? so I asked mum and dad, how am I supposed to meet someone when every time we go to a wedding, everyone looks like they’ve been smashed by 10 lorries (back to back!)?!?!?! I won’t tell you their reply, damn obscene.

Oh well, YESTERDAY! was erm, walky. HAHAHAHAHA! I think Citra and Pan knows what I’m talking about. I actually like getting lost with my friends, it’s been awhile since I wondered around with my besties. Getting lost, screaming out songs at the top of our lungs, gulping away on red bull/starbucks/coffee bean, getting lost-er, and gyeah! Then met up with Ryn, Jey, Jenny, and the RAOUL crew. It was good catching up. I’m looking forward to next week! and either this Tuesday or Thursday.

I swear, I’ve the most hopeless-est blog in the world. It’s just a place to pen down thoughts. I’m surprised people even come here! I mean I expect my besties, gyeah, but HAHAH!

I don’t know why, something is missing. That something that usually gives me the drive to cheer, to gym, to scream, to keep on going, that something seems drained. I can’t really put a finger on it, but gyeah, its lacking. OH NEVERMIND! Well, it’s been very different. It’s different from what I’m used to, it’s different from whom I love. OK FINE! I MISS LABIN AND ERI THE MOST! AND CHOOCHOO AND KWAN AND NADZ AND HALIMAH AND JUMALEA AND NADIA. I COULD SO GO ON YOU KNOW.

I hope Julie’s doing fine.

PS, hingga kapan kau gantung cerita cintaku? Adakah mungkin untukku menghindari, gurisan kasih luka di hati? Adakah surah yang bisa memulih kembali cinta yang telah usang. Tidak, aku akan mencari yang lain, tidak, aku tidak akan mencari kerna aku takut. Cerita cinta kami sama seperti memasukkan benang ke dalam mata jarum. Payah untuk dicucuk dan harus di usaha.

“Tonight you’re falling in love.”

It’s been an eventful week, really. Crazy schedule. Emotional frenzy. Got pissed drunk. Fell inexplicably in love. Fell out of love, yet again. Decides to rush through 2 projects in one night. Ignored all friends.

Take one step at a time, there’s no need to rush.You believe and you doubt. You’re confused, you got it all
figured out. Everything that you wished for, could be yours, should be yours, would be yours. If they only knew.

That’s how i’ll get through all this, one step at a time.

I miss Eriana, Labin, Choochoo, Jumalea, Nadia, Nadzirah, Halimah. I wish life was just a straight line, either black or white. I wish I can choose the thoughts that enter my head. I wish I was normal and average. Sometimes I wish I were fabulous. I wish you’d never been so perfect, so charming, so loving, so outrageous, so lively, so real. Sometimes I wish I weren’t always this confused. Sometimes, I just love being confused. At times I know exactly how I feel. Most of the times I doubt myself.

PS, I’ve never liked apple skin.

Here and back again, stuck in between thoughts and emotions.

Well put it this way. I don’t want to make myself more perfect for you, and I don’t want you to be any more perfect for me than you already are. You’ve drawn your line, but why do you blur them every time you’re around me.

Dear ASS, maybe we need more time. We definitely need more time.

Somehow I understand what Wingy means; a simple love. One where you don’t love me just because of my looks. One where you don’t love me just to play me out. I just want one which will last and leave beautiful traces of memories worth keeping forever.

PS, it cuts me like a knife every time you walk away. Even when i barely know you, ASS.

I AM APPALLED!

I had what I thought was a blissful dinner… at KFC. While I’m at it, DO NOT EAT the new whatever shit from KFC, waste of money and stomach space! I can so hear Citra screaming “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CALORIES THERE IS IN THAT?!”

BECAUSE we…fine, I, had an unsatisfactory dinner, I bought loads of tidbits to be consumed at my favourite spot in the library. and BECAUSE we looked as if we are having the time of our lives, some crazy woman had the cheek to whisper loudly “why are you eating? don’t you have any regard for the library rules? so much for the educated Singaporean”. I honestly thought she was loony up there, so I shut up. So amazingly enough, we slowed down the pace of chewing. Ironically, I was with the rowdiest duo you could ever imagine. BUT Ms OBNOXIOUS had to say at the top of her lungs “can you lower your volume? this is a library!” MY GOODNESS! THE IRONY! but wait, THERE’S FUCKEN MORE! she said to Choochoo ” excuse me, I’m rather interested in the photography section, could you move aside?!” Trust me, she didn’t sound very polite. OH MY GOD! I mean, who would ever say that? So company and I decided that she was a little to addled in the head. MDM MURTHAFUCKENBITCHWHORESLUTMOTHERPROSTITUTE WASN’T GOING TO RUIN OUR EVENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, I THINK I’VE DONE ENOUGH JUSTICE TO THIS EVENING.